February 16, 2010

A Wish to Build a Dream On

Someone asked me the other day, "Is there one dream for your life that you look forward to coming true?"

WOW. It stopped me in my tracks.

I started to think about how my dreams are now centered around my children. They are dreams for my children, and they have replaced the dreams I had for myself.

But is "replaced" really the word I am looking for?

Don't most mothers begin to dream for their children, instead of themselves, from the moment their babies are placed into their arms, if not the moment they first learn there is a life growing within?

Or is it just those of us who have seen our kids suffer -- really, really suffer -- who begin to replace all of our personal dreams with dreams for our children?

I sat dumbfounded for a few moments as I pondered the question. I was speechless, and those of you who know me also know that I rarely am speechless.

My dreams for my life have been shattered the past year. My dreams for my children have been shattered as well, at least to an extent, and not just because of my son's disability.

When is the last time I really thought about dreams?

So I thought.

And I answered the question.

And for the first time in a very long time I actually envisioned it -- a dream for myself.

I have a long road to go before I could ever get there.

And, without doubt, I want -- truly YEARN -- to be able to focus solely, or at least mostly, on my kids during these precious years.

But, I tell ya what: I can actually see it happening. This dream of mine, that I thought of, just yesterday, when I answered that question.

Some day.

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