September 27, 2010

I Want to Believe in Angels

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Sarah McLachlan,
In the Arms of an Angel

If only I knew ....

that there would be an angel waiting for me at the end ...

someone who would wrap his or her arms around me and pull the pain from my soul...

and that the viciousness hurled at me from someone who had no business being any part of my family's story would somehow be erased from my mind.

If only I knew ....

that there would be an angel waiting in the hereafter to tell me that my heart would be healed ...

someone who knew the pain I felt in this life because she witnessed it from above ...

and that the agony of heartache would be replaced by peace and calm and sanity.

If only I knew ....

that there would be an angel waiting for my children one day, too ....

someone who would make sure that whatever hurt they suffered in their lifetimes was replaced with the joy they truly deserve ....

and that everything would be fixed for them in Heaven:

the gaping hole in their family would no longer hurt them,

my daughter would no longer worry about being her brother's keeper,

and my son would find his voice.

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

Sarah McLachlan

I want to know that one day I will feel more than what I am feeling right now.

I want to know that one day everything really will be OK.

I want to believe in angels.

1 comment:

  1. I promise that someday the pain will let up and all will be ok...before you know it. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. Huge hugs and call me if you need me.